This is a popular tag, and quite an interesting one! So, I thought I'd
give it a try!
1. How do you self-identify your gender, and what does that
definition mean to you?
I identify as agender. To me, this means I don't feel that identifying
as man, woman or any other gender fits me. I do wish to have a masculine
appearance and I'd be more comfortable with male secondary sex characteristics.
However, this doesn't make me a man. I feel like the term 'trans-masculine'
fits me, due to wanting to transition to a more masculine body type. For any of
you who don' know or are unsure on what 'trans-masculine' means, it means
anyone who wants to or has transition(ed) to become more masculine. These
people can be anywhere from 100% male trans men to demiboys/demimen* to people
like me who aren't men but are happier in a body with male secondary sex
characteristics.
*People who identify as men but aren't 100% men. They may fluctuate
between feeling genderless and feeling male, or they may feel consistently
somewhere between male and genderless (eg. they feel about 3/4 male and 1/4
almost all the time)
2. What pronouns honour you?
They/them are the most fitting for me. I'm comfortable with he/him, but
it doesn't feel as fitting as they/them. I haven't found any other pronouns
that I'm comfortable with.
3. Describe the style of clothing that you most often wear.
I wear all sorts of clothing! Mostly I buy cheap clothing (and by that,
I mean low-priced) but sometimes I'll treat myself to something slightly more
expensive (such as a brand new hoodie!). I usually wear t-shirts, often
short-sleeved ones. Occasionally I wear a shirt or a polo shirt. I really like
shirts and polo shirts! I don't have much to wear on my legs. Up until this
Sunday, I only had a pair of jeans and three pairs of shorts. I also have two
pairs of tracksuit bottoms, but one pair is very old and the other pair used to
be part of my PE uniform! This Sunday I found a pair of vertically-striped
beige trouser, which are very comfortable, for £3! They fit me (almost)
perfectly and will be perfect to wear during winter.
When it comes to colour, my clothes are very varied. I wear many shades
of blue and green. I also have several camouflage items (due to my love of
Manic Street Preachers) I wear light colours, medium colours, dark colours,
warm colours, cool colours, all sorts of colours! I wear plenty of black and
grey clothing, too. Wearing white tops is nice, but they're so easy to get
dirty! I usually get a stain on a white t-shirt within thirty minutes o putting
it on!
A lot of my clothing inspiration comes from Manic Street Preachers. I
have several camo tops, camo hats, camo socks, camo shorts, and a camo jacket!
This is inspired from their 1994 style. I also have a leopard-print felt skirt,
but I don't wear it. I'm planning on wearing it WHEN (not IF) I go to a manics
concert. It was super comfy when I tried it on! I also have a t-shirt which I
wrote a quote from the song 'Faster' on. I have never bought myself any manics
merch shirts, but my father found two that he no longer wore and gave them to
me. One of them is at least two sizes too big and has paint splashes on it, but
that just makes it more fashionable...right? It kind of does suit how the band
stands for working class values, though.
4. Talk about your choices with body hair. How do you style your hair? Do you
have facial hair? What do you choose to shave, or choose not to shave?
I have rather long hair -- long enough for people sitting next to me to
sit on! That happened once near the start of Year 10, and I've kept growing it
since then. Because of the way I style my hair, however, it doesn't always seem
that way! I have a fringe cut in a way so that my hair appears to be a short
length. I remember once in Year 11 (I'm currently in y12) my Biology teacher
was shocked as I walked into the classroom because he thought I'd cut all of my
hair off. I am considering cutting my hair of to donate to charity at the end
of Year 13, but I'm not sure if I could manage parting with my long hair (no
pun intended...okay, maybe slightly intended). I have nearly two years to
decide though, so I don't have to make a decision any time soon!
As for facial hair, I don't really have much. I have a very sparse
mustache, but it's not hugely noticeable -- just several dark hairs. I like it,
though. My eyebrows are left to do their own thing. I don't pluck or shave
them, or even flatten them down when they're all over the place.
I have shaved my legs and arms a few times in the past, because I
believed the misconception that this would make the hair grow quicker/longer. I
wanted longer arm and leg hair because I wanted it to keep me warm in the
winter! The few times I did shave made my arms and legs sore and itchy, which
wasn't great! Nowadays I don't shave any hair off of me. I only cut my fringe!
5. Talk about cosmetics. Do you choose to wear makeup? Do you paint your nails?
What types of soaps and perfumes do you use if any?
I do have some black makeup, but those are for having fun with and
wearing indoors. MUA do a really good black lipstick for only £1! They also do
an amazing black eyeshadow for the same price! To me, makeup is more of a fun
and artistic thing. Sometimes I use a contour kit I picked up at Poundland to
have a practice at drag king makeup. The results aren't always superb but it's
always lots of fun! I also like adding lots of glitter to my drag makeup! I
absolutely adore glitter!
Right now as I am typing this, my nails are painted a glossy jet black.
I love painting my nails as it can be super fun! Also, I love the shiny and
sometimes sparkly results! Now that I'm in sixth form, I can wear nail polish
to school if I'd like. However, I have to make sure my nail varnish doesn't
clash with blue (the colour of my suit) or whatever colour my shirt and
tie are. Black is quite a safe colour as it can go with anything.
Usually I get deodorant sprays from Wilko's for 50p. They smell nice and
are quite affordable. I use them sparingly though, as they are spray cans. My
favourite perfume is and has been Davidoff Cool Water for years. Finally, this
May, it was my birthday AND Cool Water was on sale for £12! That's quite a bit
of money to spend just for me to smell nice, but it was my birthday and with
how good it smell, it was worth it.
6. Have you experienced being misgendered? If so, how often?
I am almost always misgendered, really. I doubt anyone has ever looked
at me and though "hey, I think they must be agender!" I have had
several incidents where I've been called 'Sir' or referred to by strangers as
he/him. I've also heard a young child say "I think it's a girl" as
I've
7. Do you experience dysphoria? How does that affect you?
Yes, I definitely do...Sometimes it's not that strong. I just get a bit
of a "hey, that's not right. It shouldn't be like that." kind of
feeling that doesn't bother me. Other times it can really bother me and I can
feel very uncomfortable. Whenever it gets too bad I try different methods of
coping to stop it spiraling out of control. I'd rather extend on this in a
separate blog post as it's a very important issue and will need a lot of
thinking over. That post will probably be a very long post, unless it's too
difficult for me to write.
8. Talk about children. Are you interested in having children? Would you want
to carry a child if that were an option for you? Do you want to be the primary
caretaker for any children you may have?
I'm not interested in having any children of my own at all. I'm
considering possibly adopting an older child at some point (12-16 year old kind
of age range) I think this will be more manageable for me and won't be too much
for me to cope with. Children have less chance of being adopted as they get
older, so that's another incentive for me. I also would love to be able to help
any of my friends who have kids in raising their children. It'd be great to be
able to make sure my friends' children are surrounded by people who love and
care for them.
As for carrying a child, I'd never want to do that myself as it seems
like such a painful process! Also there are so many risks to childbirth that
would worry me too much! People who go through pregnancy are really brave and
incredible (most of the time, anyways).
9. Talk about money. Is it important to you to provide for a family financially
if you choose to have one? Is it important to you that you earn more than any
partner you may have? Do you prefer to pay for things like dates? Are you
uncomfortable when others pay for you or offer to pay for you?
I feel like it is quite important to financially provide for a family
you've chosen to have if you can. If you've chosen to have a family and you
have enough money to provide for them, I can't think of any good reason at all
as to why you shouldn't provide for your family.
To me, it's not at all important to me how much any partner I may have
earns, as long as I'm not with them only for money and vice versa. If I were to
go on dates with this partner (or just on a date in general) I would prefer to
pay, but the kind of dates I would like wouldn't involve much money, the
majority of times. I'll usually only accept an offer for someone to pay for me
if it's something I need (such as food or drink) and if the person offering is
a close friend. I also always try to remember to pay it back as soon as possible,
or at least return the favour. If someone offers to pay for me, I find that
very kind and considerate.
10. Anything else you want to share about your experience with gender?
Yes, there is. As a non-binary person, in the past I have often experienced
doubts about the validity of my gender identity. I have to remind myself that
my gender is real. I feel these ways for a reason. I just have to go back and
remind myself what made me realise I was agender in the first place.
Another thing I'd like to share is another doubt I have about my gender
identity. Being trans-masculine and agender can bring up some self-doubt.
"Am I really agender if I want to be more masculine?" The answer is
yes! And the same goes if you want to be feminine! Gender expression and gender
identity may be closely linked for many, but they are still separate! For
anyone having the same doubts, I'd recommend two YouTubers to you: AJ
Clementine and ChandlerNWilson. AJ Clementine no longer identifies as agender, but for
a while that label fit her and she's made some really helpful videos for
agender people who are trans-feminine that could also be helpful for
trans-masculine agender people.
This reminds me of another issue; I sometimes worry that when I start
making bigger leaps in my transition, such as starting testosterone and getting
top surgery, I'll no longer feel agender. There's nothing to worry about with
this at all! Gender identity can change! There's absolutely nothing wrong if
you start getting different feelings about your gender! Also, it's not
something that will definitely happen. It's just happened to a few agender
people before. It can even take years into your transition to no longer
identify as agender (AJ is an example of this). Just be aware that if you start
to get changing feelings towards your gender identity when you start
transitioning, then there's nothing to worry about and it's perfectly normal.
There's nothing wrong with you!
One last thing I'd like to share is that I love dresses! However,
wearing them right now can make me incredibly dysphoric. One thing I'm looking
forward to in the future is hopefully wearing dresses once in a while!
This gender tag was very enjoyable to do as it really made me think and
allowed me to organise my thoughts on a few things. I hope you enjoyed reading
it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Please contact me if there are any other
tags you'd like me to do. Thank you for reading and goodbye until next time!
~Jay
